Why it so easy to lie? We tell ourselves that it is necessary to lie everyday to save people, to prevent hurt, to avoid conflict….our culture has lying down to a science. It markets cure-alls, beautiful fake people and parts and makes the world follow trends like cats consume catnip. The purpose: to make ourselves look better or to hide the truth from others.
I remember when I lied for the first time to my mother. It was about a dollhouse she had asked me to leave alone. One of my cousins came over and wanted to play with it. My mom wanted to keep it safe, but I wanted to show off a little, and I snuck through the window, out the door, and to the backyard with it. Then I went to get my cousin from my room inside the house. We walked through the living room (sans dollhouse, since it was already well situated in the backyard) and smiled, refusing snacks and hurrying to the back. So, I turned around in the middle of my play, and saw my mom standing in her bedroom window, looking out.
My cousin and her family left and I thought, I’m gonna get in trouble. We sat down together, my mother and I, and her eyes, usually so kind, were shiny with tears.
“I’m not going to spank you,” she said. Surprise! The reality of the pain in her eyes was worse than any punishment.
Lies hurt. They hurt you most when you’re powerless to do anything about them. It seems that there is constant fabrication everywhere. Lies about what people do to one another. Lies about how we see one another. Fake smiles for one, real smiles and hugs for another; how are we supposed to know the difference?
Love does not record evil. That’s what the Bible says. That’s what I learned growing up in Missionettes.. We learned the whole passage from I Corinthians 13 that’s used so often in weddings. The Love Chapter. I think for every quality listed in that chapter there is an anti-love quality. Have you seen or experienced the opposite of each one? Have you been tempted to treat someone the same way you were treated?
One of the last things my mother ever told me was, “Stay out of useless arguments.” She was paraphrasing Scripture, but it really stuck with me, especially as I like to prove my point. Don’t we all? What does this have to do with lying? The definition of lying is not strictly what Webster’s says. It is also twisting the truth to your advantage and letting people add the rest.
I heard from someone –I don’t know the truth of it – that when a friend of hers passed away, her family was cleaning her house up and found a small book in her dresser. In the book there were names, dates and little notes, hardly visible to the eye. As they looked closely at the writing, they realized it was a list of the offenses that others had done to her. Such bitterness in such a small space!
Bitterness is like cancer. We can excise it by deciding not to hold records in our hearts and forgive. I’m not advocating letting those who would cause us harm continue to do so. Sometimes, negative talk has to be nipped in the bud. Be aware of falsehood and how easily it can grow like a root in your heart. Pledge to be honest to those around you and you will see trust grow around your life like a sweet fragrance.
That day, as I stood in front of my mother, guilty as charged, she said, “I love you, but I don’t know if I can trust you.” My heart seemed to drop and I felt so ashamed. I was embarrassed and I felt her disappointment in me. Her trust of my child size decision making abilities was very important to me!
Then she continued, “I’m going to give you a chance to win back my trust. And I can’t promise how quickly this will happen, but I know that one day, I will trust you again.” I looked up at her and she smiled and held out her arms.
What a wise lesson! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving us so many opportunities to win Your trust back.
